Since we had such a busy weekend, I hadn't had a chance to do my weekly grocery shopping yet. The kids needed lunches for the next day, so I headed off to Albertson's (which I DESPISE). Mike had been running a fever all weekend, so I took Nati with me - not wanting to chance getting her sick AGAIN (she screamed all the way there).
Nati continued to cry in the store and nothing I did could console her. So, I quickly got just the kids lunches and something for dinner the next night and headed to the checkout. People all around me were staring - which is always fun.
I have a slight altercation with the pre-teen checking me out and end up slinging my groceries into the cart, muttering about how much the store sucks under my breath as I walk out. Yup... Nati's still crying.
I get in the car and the crying turns to screaming - blood curdling, end of the world, just got a shot at the doctor's office screaming. I call mom to make sure she's at home and head there. I tell her "I need a break". She meets me at the door and takes Nati while I fall into a pool of mush on the couch. Nati, of course, stops crying and, if I remember correctly through my tears, actually starts smiling at Grammy. I'm convinced my daughter hates me.
Mom calms me down and I feed Nati who obediently eats. Mom takes her from me and burps her, then gets her dressed in some jammies. Mom and I talk while I feed Nati some more and I get a lot off my chest. I'm just so tired.
I'm pulled in all directions, trying to take care of a house, a husband, two grade-schoolers and a new baby - and unsuccesfully doing any of it. My house is a pig-sty, my husband obviously feels disconnected with me, my step-children are being treated like "step-children" instead of my children and my daughter is screaming trying to get her Mommy to slow down and take care of her. All this time, my car is on empty and disgustingly dirty, I only own 3 pairs of work pants and 4 shirts (and work 5 days a week), I have to make excuses at work to head to the store to get things for the kids' easter baskets. I'm constantly 10 minutes late to work in the morning and I'm rushing to the daycare afterwork. In short - I have NO time to take care of me. I'm not a selfish human being at all, but it is true - you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. And I have NO time to take care of myself.
So, back to mom's.....
She tells me that I should try to take a bottle when I head out, and maybe try to introduce formula so I can take those small bottles with me. I'm too tired to fight back. She says I can just prop a bottle up in her mouth and keep going. You've got to be kidding me. I know she means well, she'd do anything for me, but she just doesn't understand.
I'm there for about an hour and need to head home. So we put Nati in her carrier and .... she starts screaming.
AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God give me strength.
3 comments:
It's tough being a new mommy and balancing everything that you used to be able to do so well. Especially when breastfeeding. At least you know enough not to prop a bottle of formula in her mouth so you can get things done. You're a good mom.
Perhaps your mother can help you out in times like these by doing the shopping for you while you take care of yourself and nurse your baby. Or maybe she can come over and watch the older kids while you get a nap/nurse in w/ Nati? Try going to breastfeeding.com and printing out some reading material for her to read. She probably doesn't understand all the benefits of breastfeeding.
Hang in there and keep reminding yourself that you're doing a great job!
*hug* Thanks Lauren. I needed that today.
You're welcome!
~Lauren
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