Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Working Mother - Keeping it Real

Thanks for all the lovely comments ladies. You're all an amazing bunch of women, some of who I've had the pleasure to meet. Your dedication to your babies is awe-inspiring.

But.... thing's aren't always what they seem.

I had a major break-down two nights ago (the day I wrote the post below). I just couldn't do it any longer and I snapped. Days and months of hardly any sleep, a very cranky teething child, two younger children (try) to keep up with, a husband to love and cherish, and a job which is particularly stressful at the moment finally all got to me. I was reading in a working nursing mother book that said this kind of "break down" typically occurs around 6 months... guess I held out a little longer.

I lost patience with my daughter, I stormed around the house and snapped at the kids and my wonderful husband and retreated to my peaceful, secluded bedroom to cry. The post I wrote was a cry-out for me. I way for me to get out what I was feeling and to physically show myself why all this stress was happening. I have chosen a more difficult parenting route, but all night I wondered, does Natalie really know the difference? When she's my age, will she feel sorry for me that, in my efforts to give her the best I could, Mommy "lost it"? I know if my mother told me she went through the same thing, I'd feel horrible.

But.... all parenting is selfless. If it's not these issues, it will be others. I'm sure this isn't the last time that I will need to have a good cry and a break-down. Parenting is hard stuff and the pain and worry we put ourselves through for our children is part of the deal.

At the end of the day all I have to do is to look into that beautiful, chubby little face and see her smile at me, her Mommy, to make it all worthwhile and to recharge my spirit.