Ooh... Did She Just Say the "F" Word?

For weeks, nay, months, I've been having milk supply issues due mostly to the fact that Natalie is constantly on the go. She's never been a really hearty nurser, mainly when she's tired or in the middle of the night. I've been keeping up good with my pumping at work, but slacking off at home. Now that she's not nursing hardly at all at home, it's really catching up to me. She's still taking approximately 16 ounces at daycare, plus eating two meals of solids there. She shouldn't be that hungry! My daycare provider says she has a huge appetite during the day and screams when it's time to eat.

At home on the weekends, she doesn't nurse much - certainly not the equivalent of 16 ounces, and does ok on her solids. She seems filled and contented. I just can't figure how she's eating so much during the week! In the evenings, she's not all that interested in dinner, and doesn't nurse until LATE evening, sometimes midnight. I try to nurse her when I get home and throughout the evening. She'll take a few drinks then wiggles away to play.

I started taking Domperidone a few months ago and stopped taking it once my supply came back up. Lately I started taking it agin when my period returned last month and stopped once my supply rebounded to a sufficient level. Now it's in the toilet again. It seems like my supply is slowly stepping down - it will decrease and I'll get it back up to an acceptable level where it will plateau for a bit, only to decrease some more.

Now the situation is getting dire. I'm pumping maybe 8 ounces a day. I tried pumping this morning after all night of not nursing (she slept from midnight through morning). I got 1-1/2 ounces per breast.

I'm defeated (and deflated). I've been fighting this for months and the stress has gotten worse and worse. We're so close to 12 months and being able to start her on whole milk...

I'm starting to think I need to think about getting some formula to feed her these last 3 months.

*sigh*

Working Mother

I did some reflecting this weekend, in between trying to comfort a fussy, teething baby, about how I've chosen to mother my child. I'm pleased to say that I haven't had to compromise much of what I wanted for my daughter.

Originally, while I was still pregnant, I new I wanted to breastfeed my daughter as long as I possibly could. I went into her birth knowing I would, but still bought a few cans of formula "as a back-up". I tried her on formula twice in the first few weeks. Since then, she has been exclusively been breastfed or drinking expressed breastmilk during daycare. My first goal was 3 months - and it came and went, then 6. My next goal is 9 months. I broke up my goals to give me some short-term milestones to reach and to congratulate myself with. My ultimate goal is 1 year at which time I'll wean her onto cow's milk during the day and probably nursing at night and for comfort for a few more months after that (or as long as my supply lasts).

I really have no desire to nurse her into toddlerhood (although I applaud women who do), it's just really not my thing. Pumping has been very hard and very demanding and I really do look forward to hanging up my pump horns. I savor the times when I nurse Natalie, although she's more than often fussy and squirmy, which makes it hard to have that magical bonding time. We rarely have a quiet, peaceful nursing session. Through it all, though, I know I'm giving my best for my child and I haven't had to compromise my wishes and desires for her.

The same is true now with baby food. My daycare provider really started me on this one. She makes all her own baby food. I figured if I was putting forth the effort to breastfeed her because it was so much better for her, then why would I want nothing less for her once she started whole food? Again, making her food is demanding of my time, but I can see already the rewards. Natalie is learning what food actually tastes like instead of eating jarred food that tastes nothing like the real thing (everyone remember that horrid game of "guess the baby food" played at baby showers?). I'm hoping that this will help her gain healthy eating habits and have her eating a wider range of foods into toddlerhood and beyond.

I realized the demand these things take on my time this weekend. When I wasn't comforting a fussy baby I was pumping (because she wasn't eating well) or making baby food to freeze when I really wanted to just sit down and read a book. I'm exhausted, but my baby has a full belly - my milk and wholesome food in the freezer and she's HAPPY.

So... I am able be a working mother AND still be able to provide for my daughter without compromising. Are there other things I could do like cloth diapering, etc...? Sure... but I'm exhausted. I've made my list of my absolutes and I have to make peace that these things will be enough.

Return of an Old Relative

Dear Aunt Flo,

It was such a surprise to see you this afternoon. Don't you know that it's terribly rude to show up unannounced after, oh... 16 months?!

I can't say I didn't really miss you all that much. And yes, I'm aware that since you've missed me very much during this time, you'll more than likely be VERY ANNOYING during your visit.

Your return means my baby will have less to eat, will have a less tolerant mommy for a few days a month, and all that money I've been saving on formula will have to go to feminine products.

You bitch.

Your unexpected visit explains a lot. My supply has been low, my boobies have been sore and my muscles have been achy.

While I thank GOD that you haven't visited during the past 16 months, I hope that your return each month is short and rather uneventful.

Sincerely,
Danielle

Mammyin' Up

The Pioneer Woman
I LOVE this blogger. Her name is Ree, AKA "Pioneer Woman". She's a homeschooling, mother of 4, and wife of a prominent cattle rancher in Oklahoma (does anyone else have to sing that state to spell it, or is it just me?) She's a brilliant writer, an excelent photographer and a darn good cook. Her post today was really great. Check out this post where she correllates breastfeeding her 4 "punks" (her words, not mine) to watching the mama/baby cattle pairs on their ranch.

Too cute.

Bessy needs to up her game

Ok... today scared me.

Nati's daycare provider had to delve into her frozen stash I gave her. Nati ate every 2 hours today for a grand total of 18 ounces between 7:00 am - 5:00 pm.

Keep in mind, I only pump 14 - 16 ounces during this time.

*gulp*

I'm hoping I'm not spotting a new trend here. I could see this coming. Nati would be starving by the time I picked her up from daycare for the past few weeks. She's nursing ALL evening and night. My saving grace during the week would be the one day when she would take an extra long nap and not take all 4 bottles that day.

I have some freezer stash, but not enough to make up the void long-term.

I'm just praying that she backs off a bit, as formula is NOT an option.

BPA

Unfortunately Natalie isn't exclusively breastfed, when I'm at work, she gets bottles of my milk that I pump while at work.

This comes with a myriad of issues - most recently being BPA (bisphenol A).

I use Dr. Browns botles which contain BPA. Also, the bottles I pump into and use for refrigerator temporary storage contain BPA.

I've done some preliminary research and my first reaction was to go buy new bottles. I found a list of non-BPA bottles (all of which are very expensive) and was ready to head to the store with list in hand.

I hate to say this, but I'm just not keen on spending a couple hundred dollars on baby bottles. One reason I initially started breastfeeding was for the cost savings (of course it's not the only reason). I'm not entirely certain on the research at this point, and just have't made up my mind.

Is it horrible that I'm contemplating not switching right away? I mean, what's a couple hundred of dollars if it's my baby's health in question?

Does anyone have any advice / stories / research that I might take into consideration?

Two Words - Reverse Cycling

I'm tired and I need to calm Nati down to put her to sleep. She only slept 1-3/4 hours today, and I only slept 1-3/4 hours last night.

'Nuff said.